Relationships: Sacrifice and Sanctification

Daily we are flooded with images and stories of relationship.  It becomes difficult to sort reality and fantasy. Girl meets boy and gets married. Compatible in all the right ways they seek pleasure in one another and enjoy a comfortable yet occasionally adventurous life. Mother has daughter. Daughter begins to resent mother for inconsistencies and unmet promises.  She gradually pushes away and works to form a "new beginning." The relationship becomes cold and cordial while bubbling with hostility under its shallow waters.

I could continue with the vague scenarios and the faces and roles could shift places like a deck of cards.  In the end my hope is to challenge the way we view the purpose of relationships.  Is the purpose of marriage compatibility and comfort?  Are we to write off all of those that do not meet our standards?  While there may be a place for these things in the name of boundaries, I challenge us to consider love and it's foolish wisdom that despises the proud.


Then said Almitra, Speak to us of Love.

   And he raised his head and looked upon 

the people, and there fell a stillness upon 

them. And with a great voice he said:

    When love beckons to you, follow him, 

    Though his ways are hard and steep. 

    And when his wings enfold you yield to

 him, 

    Though the sword hidden among his

pinions may wound you. 

    And when he speaks to you believe in

him, 

    Though his voice may shatter your dreams 

as the north wind lays waste the garden.

    For even as love crowns you so shall he 

crucify you. Even as he is for your growth

so is he for your pruning. 

    Even as he ascends to your height and 

caresses your tenderest branches that quiver

in the sun,

    So shall he descend to your roots and

 shake them in their clinging to the earth.

   Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto 

himself. 

   He threshes you to make you naked.

   He sifts you to free you from your husks. 

   He grinds you to whiteness.

   He kneads you until you are pliant; 

   And then he assigns you to his sacred

fire, that you may become sacred bread for

God’s sacred feast.

   All these things shall love do unto you 

that you may know the secrets of your 

heart, and in that knowledge become a

fragment of Life’s heart.

   But if in your fear you would seek only 

love’s peace and love’s pleasure, 

   Then it is better for you that you cover

your nakedness and pass out of love’s 

threshing floor,

   Into the seasonless world where you 

shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, 

and weep, but not all of your tears.

- Kahlil Gibran, "The Prophet"

the thing about new years.

Without fail I have this tendency to hold on to the first day of the new year, trying to squeeze out all of the positive Mojo I can.  I rethink life, make grand plans, and conjure up a revolutionary resolution.  This year is no different.  Truly a part of me died not watching the ball drop or having a proper count down.  I substituted black eyed peas (not the music group) for asparagus and quinoa, and I failed on the first day of my "Bible in a Year" reading plan.

In my 26th year of life I have realized a pattern.  I'm fatalistically Type B, maybe even BB but I strive to be Type A. Though it's written in my name, it missed my DNA by a mile. Still, I live in a Type A world, and I struggle. I deeply struggle.  Ask anyone that knows me and they will tell you that I would be late for the rapture and I could care less about Dymos. On a low week I could even be mistaken for a dirty hippie.

Before I delve deeper I would like to make few disclaimers: 1)There are better personality theories than the pop psych "Type A/B", that lends itself to Seventeen magazine "Know Your Lover" type quizzes.  2) I have learned many glorious things from these "Type A" people.  I am better at paperwork, organizing the fridge, and I've decreased my tardiness to an average of 5-10 minutes.  

So as a result of this realization, my proclamation of this new year: "Cease striving and know that I am God"

strive |strīv|verb ( past strove |strōv|or strived ; past part. striven |strivən|or strived) [intrans. ]make great efforts to achieve or obtain something 

In Brennan Manning's "The Furious Longing of God" he writes a chapter titled "Union." I thought this was going to be a bridegroom wedding sort of chapter.  Instead, in this brief musing he surprised me with the harmonious melding of two little words: "rest" and "union."  He argues for John's theology as "abiding restful union."   In truth, so much of my striving is wrapped up in identity, fitting in, and finding my place. In all of my "striving" to meet the demands of an obnoxiously demanding world I forget the gift that I have to offer in my "Type Bness." In all of my striving I have forgotten my value and place of rest.

"Words such as union, fusion, and symbiosis hint at the ineffable oneness with Jesus that the apostle Paul experienced: 'It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me' (Gal 2:20).  No human word is even remotely adequate to convey the mysterious and furious longing of Jesus for you and me to live in His smile and hang on His words.  But union comes close, very close; it is a word pregnant with a reality that surpasses understanding, the only reality worth yearning for with love and patience, the only reality before which we should stay very quite. . . I've decided that if I had my life to live over again, I would not only climb more mountains, swim more rivers, and watch more sunsets; I wouldn't only jettison my hot water bottle, raincoat, umbrella, parachute, and raft; I would not only go barefoot earlier in the spring and stay out later in the fall; but I would devote not one more minute to monitoring my spiritual growth. No, not one."  - Brennan Manning "The Furious Longing of God" 

"The entire process (of self-development) can be very exciting and entertaining. But the problem is there's no end to it. The fantasy is that if one heads in the right direction and just works hard enough to learn new things and grows enough to get self actualized, one will be there.  None of us is quite certain exactly where "there" is, but it obviously has something to do with resting. " - Gerald May as quoted by Manning.

So my new years resolution is to cease, in all of its useless ways, striving. to rest. to be free.

Chew On This

Below are lyrics from Josh Garrels song "Beyond the Blue" on his Album "Love & War & The Sea In Between... some food for the soul. enjoy. 

Beyond the Blue

Stand on the shores of a site unseen
The substance of this dwells in me
Cause my natural eyes only go skin deep
But the eye’s of my heart anchor the sea
Plumbing the depths to the place in between
The tangible world and the land of a dreams
Because everything ain’t quite it seems
There’s more beneath the appearance of things
A beggar could be king within the shadows,
Of a wing

And wisdom will honor everyone who will learn
To listen, to love, and to pray and discern
And to do the right thing even when it burns
And to live in the light through treacherous turns
A man is weak, but the spirit yearns
To keep on course from the bow to the stearn
And throw overboard every selfish concern
That tries to work for what can’t be earned
Sometimes the only way to return is to go,
Where the winds will take you

And to let go, of all, you cannot hold onto
For the hope, beyond,the blue

Yellow and gold as the new day dawns
Like a virgin unveiled who waited so long
To dance and rejoice and sing her song
And rest in the arms of a love so strong
No one comes unless they’re drawn
By the voice of desire that leads em’ along
To the redemption of what went wrong
By the blood that coveres the innocent one
No more separation
Between us.

So lift your voice just one more time
If there’s any hope may it be a sign
That everything was made to shine
Despite what you can see
So take this bread and drink this wine
And hide your spirit within the vine
Where all things will work by a good design
For those who will believe

And let go, of all, we cannot hold onto
For the hope, beyond, the blue

Said I let go, of all, I could not hold onto
For the hope, I have, in you

credits

Where my heart is at

There is something deep in my heart that is longing for this...

I am; therefore I see

I was fortunate enough to have my eyes opened a bit tonight.  A friend of mine put together a lesson on video gaming and hit on several points of why people become "gamers".  I'm not talking about the occasional hobby type but the obsessive lifestyle living-in-my-parents-basement image we get when we think of true gamers.  He spoke of a desire for community, power, achievement and safe intimacy.  We watched several testimonials of people that live their life through gaming.  They create an alternative beautiful or robust avatar to live in a world they fabricate and thrive in rather than the reality they merely exist in.  Some of these memories even become real.  One young woman spoke with excitement about the number of friends she has in her version of a real world.  Is this world that bad?

SEE ME!!! please see me, all of me... and still love me.  

This is the deaf scream that I heard from so many. 

Sure, there are exceptions but the harsh reality became so real.  So many of these people look for an alternative body to live in because we tell them they are not beautiful enough.  They look for achievement and power because we tell them they will never be enough.  You ask, "How can I tell them this! I have no part in it.  It's the media's fault."   I'm not proposing that as an individual we must rush out and rescue every hurting soul.  It's impossible.  As a Christian I'm learning that to "rescue" even one is not of my own.  I'm simply challenging that we begin to SEE the people we encounter.   I feel this so real in their lives because I've felt it in my own. 

I titled this "I am; therefore I see" because I have come to the realization that the more my personhood is intact the clearer my sight becomes.  When I have a sense of self and feel comfortable in being who my Creator designed me to be then I am better able to see and to love.  I am no fool to deny that my own fears and over-analysis (the occupational hazard of being a counselor) play into this cataract view.    

Herein lies the problem.  Being consumed in self and fear renders me unable to see others.  Other times I realize that I need to fit them into a box in order to understand them and feel safe.  Researchers call this a schema which is sometimes used to develop a fixed action pattern.  In other words, we try to fit someone in a box so we know how to act and react.  This is great when a shady character is about to mug you but it's unfortunate in relationship.  It cuts off the totality of the person and doesn't allow us to accept the fluidity of their personhood and/or character in a variety of situations.... sometimes their weak... sometimes their strong.  

There is a quote I heard a long time ago and I'm not sure of its author.  It say, "We see people as we are not as they are."  I've made it a point to burn this in my memory and try to live against it.  Sadly it rings true more often than not.  However, the more I live outside of my fears and the less I try to fit someone into a schema, the more I feel free to SEE them and to love them.   Maybe we sometimes fear seeing people because we're afraid we won't have the capacity to love them and maybe sometimes this is the reason we're afraid of being seen.   

Good old C.S. Lewis brings it home in his book The Screwtape Letters.  Uncle Screwtape teaches his demon nephew Wormwood how to corrupt relationships from the inside out.  His "pointers" are particularly directed to the home life but I believe they can be applicable in all relationships.  

Pointer # 1 - Keep his mind off the most elementary duties by directing it to the most advanced and spiritual ones

Pointer # 2 - It is no doubt, impossible to prevent his praying for his mother, but we have means of rendering the prayers innocuous. Make sure that they are always very 'spiritual', that he is always concerned with the state of her soul and never with her rheumatism.  

Pointer # 3 - Bring fully into the consciousness of your patient that particular lift of his mother's eyebrows which he learned to dislike in the nursery.  

Pointer # 4 - Your patient must demand that all his own utterances are to be taken at their face value and judged simply on the actual words, while at the same time judging all his mother’s utterances with the fullest and most oversensitive interpretation of the tone and the context and the suspected intention.  

The first time I read this a couple of years ago the simplicity of these truths made perfect sense.  I wish I could say it is always a part of my daily interactions.  However, there are many relationships I have that are painted with the fulfillment of these “pointers”.  My hope has been to heal those areas and be conscious enough to prevent them in the future.  A hope that in order to be fulfilled, grace is necessary.

This idea has been itching at me for quite some time.  Maybe years.  But I've never quite been able to scratch it (develop the concept this far). This is an area I’m working on so I am pleased to see this more fully, my heart more enlighten for a challenge.  My prayer is that I grow more in who I am and what I am created to be so I can see.   

I would love your thoughts on this topic.

The pain of procrastination

I have two papers due this week.  TWO! ... I have two papers because I procrastinated to begin with. I also have to apply for an internship. The problem with today in particular is that I missed out on a glorious day today because I decided to fart around yesterday.  Sure I got my taxes finished but I did almost no writing.  My plan and great intention was to go boarding today... blue skies and fresh powder.  BUT instead I'm at the library.  I would love to have a time machine and I would do it all over again... or would I? Where is Christopher Lloyd when I need him!

It seems that I'm a creature of habit.  Maybe I'll learn soon...

Whatchoo talkin' bout willis

I've had this blog going for quite sometime, about two years, and now I've decided to make it public.  (Please, hold the applause) There's no rhyme or reason to it, mainly just an invitation into my mind and heart and an opportunity to engage with some friends... and maybe even a few fiends.  baboom chhhh.

• There will be humor... not always guaranteed to be funny :/  (see above)
• There will be issues intended to make you think... maybe more questions than answers. 
• There will be ideas, beliefs and behavior that you don't agree with... but hopefully still respectful. 
• And most likely some bad grammar and/or misspelled words!

I've been writing on scraps of paper, recording messages on my phone, and dillydalling around on here but now I have an itching desire to share.  My hearts desire is that I can connect with people I love on a much deeper level.  Many times you may ask...

Shall we begin...