Relationships: Sacrifice and Sanctification

Daily we are flooded with images and stories of relationship.  It becomes difficult to sort reality and fantasy. Girl meets boy and gets married. Compatible in all the right ways they seek pleasure in one another and enjoy a comfortable yet occasionally adventurous life. Mother has daughter. Daughter begins to resent mother for inconsistencies and unmet promises.  She gradually pushes away and works to form a "new beginning." The relationship becomes cold and cordial while bubbling with hostility under its shallow waters.

I could continue with the vague scenarios and the faces and roles could shift places like a deck of cards.  In the end my hope is to challenge the way we view the purpose of relationships.  Is the purpose of marriage compatibility and comfort?  Are we to write off all of those that do not meet our standards?  While there may be a place for these things in the name of boundaries, I challenge us to consider love and it's foolish wisdom that despises the proud.


Then said Almitra, Speak to us of Love.

   And he raised his head and looked upon 

the people, and there fell a stillness upon 

them. And with a great voice he said:

    When love beckons to you, follow him, 

    Though his ways are hard and steep. 

    And when his wings enfold you yield to

 him, 

    Though the sword hidden among his

pinions may wound you. 

    And when he speaks to you believe in

him, 

    Though his voice may shatter your dreams 

as the north wind lays waste the garden.

    For even as love crowns you so shall he 

crucify you. Even as he is for your growth

so is he for your pruning. 

    Even as he ascends to your height and 

caresses your tenderest branches that quiver

in the sun,

    So shall he descend to your roots and

 shake them in their clinging to the earth.

   Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto 

himself. 

   He threshes you to make you naked.

   He sifts you to free you from your husks. 

   He grinds you to whiteness.

   He kneads you until you are pliant; 

   And then he assigns you to his sacred

fire, that you may become sacred bread for

God’s sacred feast.

   All these things shall love do unto you 

that you may know the secrets of your 

heart, and in that knowledge become a

fragment of Life’s heart.

   But if in your fear you would seek only 

love’s peace and love’s pleasure, 

   Then it is better for you that you cover

your nakedness and pass out of love’s 

threshing floor,

   Into the seasonless world where you 

shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, 

and weep, but not all of your tears.

- Kahlil Gibran, "The Prophet"

the thing about new years.

Without fail I have this tendency to hold on to the first day of the new year, trying to squeeze out all of the positive Mojo I can.  I rethink life, make grand plans, and conjure up a revolutionary resolution.  This year is no different.  Truly a part of me died not watching the ball drop or having a proper count down.  I substituted black eyed peas (not the music group) for asparagus and quinoa, and I failed on the first day of my "Bible in a Year" reading plan.

In my 26th year of life I have realized a pattern.  I'm fatalistically Type B, maybe even BB but I strive to be Type A. Though it's written in my name, it missed my DNA by a mile. Still, I live in a Type A world, and I struggle. I deeply struggle.  Ask anyone that knows me and they will tell you that I would be late for the rapture and I could care less about Dymos. On a low week I could even be mistaken for a dirty hippie.

Before I delve deeper I would like to make few disclaimers: 1)There are better personality theories than the pop psych "Type A/B", that lends itself to Seventeen magazine "Know Your Lover" type quizzes.  2) I have learned many glorious things from these "Type A" people.  I am better at paperwork, organizing the fridge, and I've decreased my tardiness to an average of 5-10 minutes.  

So as a result of this realization, my proclamation of this new year: "Cease striving and know that I am God"

strive |strīv|verb ( past strove |strōv|or strived ; past part. striven |strivən|or strived) [intrans. ]make great efforts to achieve or obtain something 

In Brennan Manning's "The Furious Longing of God" he writes a chapter titled "Union." I thought this was going to be a bridegroom wedding sort of chapter.  Instead, in this brief musing he surprised me with the harmonious melding of two little words: "rest" and "union."  He argues for John's theology as "abiding restful union."   In truth, so much of my striving is wrapped up in identity, fitting in, and finding my place. In all of my "striving" to meet the demands of an obnoxiously demanding world I forget the gift that I have to offer in my "Type Bness." In all of my striving I have forgotten my value and place of rest.

"Words such as union, fusion, and symbiosis hint at the ineffable oneness with Jesus that the apostle Paul experienced: 'It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me' (Gal 2:20).  No human word is even remotely adequate to convey the mysterious and furious longing of Jesus for you and me to live in His smile and hang on His words.  But union comes close, very close; it is a word pregnant with a reality that surpasses understanding, the only reality worth yearning for with love and patience, the only reality before which we should stay very quite. . . I've decided that if I had my life to live over again, I would not only climb more mountains, swim more rivers, and watch more sunsets; I wouldn't only jettison my hot water bottle, raincoat, umbrella, parachute, and raft; I would not only go barefoot earlier in the spring and stay out later in the fall; but I would devote not one more minute to monitoring my spiritual growth. No, not one."  - Brennan Manning "The Furious Longing of God" 

"The entire process (of self-development) can be very exciting and entertaining. But the problem is there's no end to it. The fantasy is that if one heads in the right direction and just works hard enough to learn new things and grows enough to get self actualized, one will be there.  None of us is quite certain exactly where "there" is, but it obviously has something to do with resting. " - Gerald May as quoted by Manning.

So my new years resolution is to cease, in all of its useless ways, striving. to rest. to be free.